DOWNLOAD The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem: The Definitive Work on Self-Esteem by the Leading Pioneer in the Field By Nathaniel Branden [EBOOK EPUB. The six pillars of self-esteem by Nathaniel Branden; 4 editions; First published in ; Subjects: Self-esteem, Psicologia aplicada, Accessible. free ebooks, free download ebooks, free download ebooks pdf, epub, mobi, The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem Nathaniel Brandon asserts in this book that self-.
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The best book about self esteem ever created. Identifier TheSixPillarsOfSelfEsteem_ Identifier-arkark://t7sn7hf7g. Ocr ABBYY. The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem % Nathaniel Branden % _. Introduction. Let us identify the most important factors on which self-esteem depends. If self-esteem is . Immense in scope and vision and filled with insight into human motivation and behavior, The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem is essential reading for anyone with a.
Great book and such a quick read. The practice of living consciously - Being present - L Great book and such a quick read. The practice of living consciously - Being present - Our mind is our basic tool of survival - Self esteem is the reputation we acquire with ourselves - Behaving with accordance with what you see and know - Discerning between facts, interpretations, and emotions - Being concerned to know where I am relative to my goals and projects, and whether I am succeeding or failing - Are my actions in alignment with my purpose? The practice of self acceptance - Willingness to accept what you do, who you are, and what you enjoy - It's not judging your behavior but merely accepting that your actions just are - What is, is - It's a matter of accepting and forgiving yourself for your unwanted behaviors - Accepting what is, is the precondition to change 3. The practice of self responsibility - Embrace your responsibility - Take self responsibility for your emotional and intelectual existence - You are responsible for the situation you are in at any given moment - No one is coming to save you 4. The practice of self assertiveness - Honor your wants, needs, and values and seeking appropriate forms of expression in our reality - Leap into the game - Confront, rather than evade, the challenges of life - Be kind and cooperate with others 5. The practice of living purposefully - Set goals and work towards them - Live intently - Living purposefully involves the following four steps: 1.
Having written on this theme in a series of books, I want, in this short article, to address the issue of what self-esteem is, what it depends on, and what are some of the most prevalent misconceptions about it. Self-esteem is an experience. It is a particular way of experiencing the self. It is a good deal more than a mere feeling — this must be stressed. It involves emotional, evaluative, and cognitive components. It also entails certain action dispositions: to move toward life rather than away from it; to move toward consciousness rather than away from it; to treat facts with respect rather than denial; to operate self-responsibly rather than the opposite.
It is confidence in the efficacy of our mind, in our ability to think. By extension, it is confidence in our ability to learn, make appropriate choices and decisions, and respond effectively to change.
It is also the experience that success, achievement, fulfillment — happiness — are right and natural for us. The survival-value of such confidence is obvious; so is the danger when it is missing. It is not an illusion or hallucination.
If it is not grounded in reality, if it is not built over time through the appropriate operation of mind, it is not self-esteem. The root of our need for self-esteem is the need for a consciousness to learn to trust itself. And the root of the need to learn such trust is the fact that consciousness is volitional: we have the choice to think or not to think.
We control the switch that turns consciousness brighter or dimmer. We are not rational — that is, reality-focused — automatically. This means that whether we learn to operate our mind in such a way as to make ourselves appropriate to life is ultimately a function of our choices. Do we strive for consciousness or for its opposite?
For rationality or its opposite?
For coherence and clarity or their opposite? For truth or its opposite?
I will briefly define what each of these practices means: The practice of living consciously: respect for facts; being present to what we are doing while are doing it; seeking and being eagerly open to any information, knowledge, or feedback that bears on our interests, values, goals, and projects; seeking to understand not only the world external to self but also our inner world, so that we do not out of self-blindness.
The practice of living purposefully: identifying our short-term and long-term goals or purposes and the actions needed to attain them formulating an action-plan ; organizing behavior in the service of those goals; monitoring action to be sure we stay on track; and paying attention to outcome so as to recognize if and when we need to go back to the drawing-board.
The practice of personal integrity: living with congruence between what we know, what we profess, and what we do; telling the truth, honoring our commitments, exemplifying in action the values we profess to admire. They all entail at their core a set of mental operations which, naturally, have consequences in the external world. When we seek to align ourselves with reality as best we understand it, we nurture and support our self-esteem. When, either out of fear or desire, we seek escape from reality, we undermine our self-esteem.
No other issue is more important or basic than our cognitive relationship to reality — meaning: to that which exists. A consciousness cannot trust itself if, in the face of discomfiting facts, it has a policy of preferring blindness to sight. A person cannot experience self-respect who too often, in action, betrays consciousness, knowledge, and conviction — that is, who operates without integrity.
Thus, if we are mindful in this area, we see that self-esteem is not a free gift of nature. It has to be cultivated, has to be earned. Not necessarily in a career or financial sense, but in terms of what we hope to experience in life -- emotionally, intellectually, creatively, spiritually.
The lower our self-esteem, the less we aspire to, the less we are likely to achieve. Either path tends to be self-reinforcing, and self-perpetuating. The higher our self-esteem, the stronger the drive to express ourselves, reflecting the sense of richness within. The lower our self-esteem, the more urgent the need to "prove" ourselves, or to forget ourselves by living mechanically and unconsciously.
The higher our self-esteem, the more open, honest, and appropriate our communications are likely to be -- because we believe our thoughts have value and we welcome rather than fear clarity. The lower our self-esteem, the more muddy, evasive, and inappropriate our communications are likely to be because of uncertainty about our own thoughts and feelings, and our anxiety about the listeners response.
The healthier our self-esteem, the more inclined we are to treat others with respect, benevolence, good will and fairness -- since we do not tend to perceive them as a threat, and since self-respect is the foundation of respect for others.
We tend to feel most comfortable, most "at home", with persons whose self-esteem level resembles our own. Opposites may attract about some issues, but not this one. High self-esteem individuals tend to be drawn to high self-esteem individuals. We do not see a passionate love affair for example, with persons at opposite ends of the self-esteem continuum. Just as we are not likely to see a passionate romance between intelligence and stupidity.
I am speaking of passionate love -- not a brief infatuation or a sexual episode, which can operate by a different set of dynamics. Medium self-esteem individuals are typically attracted to medium self-esteem individuals. Low self-esteem seeks low self-esteem in others -- not consciously of course, but by the logic of that of that which leads us to feel we have encountered a soul mate.
The most disastrous of relationships are those between persons who think poorly of themselves. The union of two abysses does not produce a height. It is not difficult to see the importance of self-esteem in the arena of intimate relationships.
There is no greater barrier to romantic happiness, than the fear that I am undeserving of love, and that my destiny is to be hurt. Such fears give birth to self-fulfilling prophecies. Love If I enjoy a fundamental sense of efficacy and worth, and experience myself as loveable, then I have a foundation for appreciating and loving others -- I have something to give. I am not trapped in feelings of deficiency.
If I lack respect and enjoyment of who I am, I have very little to give -- except my unfilled needs. In my emotional impoverishment, I tend to see other people essentially as sources of approval or disapproval. I do not appreciate them for who they are in their own right. I see only what they can or cannot do for me. I am not looking for people whom I can admire and with whom I can share the excitement and adventure of life -- I'm looking for people who will not condemn me, and perhaps, will be impressed by my persona -- the face I present to the world.
My ability to love remains undeveloped. We have all heard the observation that "if you do not love yourself you will be unable to love others". Less well-understood, is the other half of the story -- If I do not feel loveable, it is very difficult to believe that anyone loves me.
If I do not accept myself, how can I accept your love for me? Your warmth and devotion are confusing -- they confound my self-concept, since I know I am not loveable. Thus, even if I consciously disown my feelings -- even if I try to insist or try to insist that I am wonderful -- my poor self-concept remains deep within to undermine my attempts at relationships.
Unwittingly, I become a saboteur at relationships. I attempt love, but the foundation of inner security is not there. Instead, there is the secret fear that I am destined only for pain, so I pick someone who will inevitably reject and abandon me. Or, if I pick someone with whom happiness might be possible, I subvert the relationship by demanding excessive reassurances, or by venting irrational possessiveness, or by making catastrophes of small frictions, or by seeking control through subservience or domination -- by finding ways to reject my partner, before my partner can reject me.
Everyone knows the famous Groucho Marx joke that he "would never join a club that would have [him] for a member". That is exactly the idea by which some low self-esteem people operate their love life. If you love me, you obviously are not good enough for me. Only someone who will reject me is an acceptable object of my devotion.
Note that it is not always necessary to destroy the relationship entirely. It may be acceptable that the relationship continue, providing I am not happy. I may engage in a project called "Struggling to be Happy", or "Working on our Relationship".
I may read books on the subject, participate in seminars, attend lectures, or enter psychotherapy with the announced aim of being happy in the future, but not now. Not today. The possibility of happiness in the present is too terrifyingly immediate. Happiness anxiety, as I call it, is very common. Happiness can activate internal voices saying "I don't deserve this", or "It will never last", or "I'm riding for a fall", or "I'm killing my mother and father, by being happier than they were! What is required for many of us is the courage to tolerate happiness without self-sabotage.
Until such time as we lose the fear of it, and realise that it will not destroy us, and it need not disappear.
One day at a time, I will tell clients: "See if you can get through today without doing anything to undermine or subvert your good feelings.
And if you fall of the wagon, don't despair. Pull yourself back up, and recommit yourself to happiness. Such perseverance is self-esteem building. Self-Fulfilling Prophecies Self-esteem creates a set of implicit expectations about what is possible and appropriate to us.
These expectations tend to generate the actions that turn them into realities, and the realities tend to confirm and strengthen the original beliefs. Self-esteem, high or low, tends to be a generator of self-fulfilling prophecies.
Self-concept is destiny. Or, more precisely, it tends to be. Our self-concept is who and what we consciously think we are -- our physical and psychological traits, our assets and liabilities, possibilities and limitations, strengths and weaknesses.
A self-concept includes our level of self-esteem, but is more global. We cannot understand a person's behaviour, without understanding the self-concept behind it.
People sabotage themselves at the height of their success all the time. They do so when success clashes with their implicit beliefs of what is appropriate to them. It is frightening to be flung beyond the limits of one's idea of who one is. If a self-concept can not accommodate a given level of success, and the self-concept does not change, it is predictable that the person will find ways to self-sabotage.
Poor self-esteem places us in an adversarial relationship with our well-being. Too Much Self-Esteem? The question is sometimes asked -- "Is it possible to have too much self-esteem? No it is not. No more than it is possible to have to much physical health, or too powerful an immune system. Sometimes self-esteem is confused with boasting, or bragging, or arrogance. These traits reflect not too much self-esteem, but too little.
They reflect a lack of self-esteem. Persons of high self-esteem are not driven to make themselves superior to others. They do not seek to prove their value by measuring themselves against a comparative standard. Their joy is in being who they are, not in being better than someone else.
I recall reflecting on this issue one day while watching my dog playing in the back yard. She was running about, sniffing flowers, chasing flowers, leaping into the air, showing a great job in being. I'm sure she was not thinking she was more glad to be alive, than the dog next door. She was simply delighting in her own existence. That image captures something essential of how I understand the experience of healthy self-esteem.
People with troubled self-esteem are often uncomfortable in the presence of those with higher self-esteem. They may feel resentful and declare "They have too much self-esteem. The sad truth is, whoever is successful in this world runs the risk of being a target. People of low achievement often envy people of high achievement. Those who are unhappy often envy and resent those who are happy. And those of low self-esteem sometimes like to talk about the danger of having, as they put it, too much self-esteem.
Self-esteem as a Basic Need When Nothing is "Enough" A poor self-esteem does not necessarily mean that we will be incapable of achieving any real values. Some of us may have the talent, energy and drive to achieve a great deal, in spite of feelings of inadequacy, or unworthiness. An example is the highly productive work-aholic who is driven to prove his worth to, say, a father who predicted he would always be a loser.
But a poor self-esteem does mean that we will be less effective, and less creative than we have the power to be, and it means that we will be crippled in our ability to find joy in our achievements. Nothing we do will ever feel like "enough". If my aim is to prove I am enough, the project goes on to infinity -- because the battle was already lost the day I conceded the issue was debatable.
So it is always "One more victory". One more promotion. One more sexual conquest.
One more company. One more piece of jewelry. A larger house, a more expensive car, another award. Yet the void within remains unfilled. In today's culture, some frustrated people who hit this impasse announce that they have decided to pursue a spiritual path, and renounce their egos. This enterprise is doomed to failure. An ego, in the mature and healthy sense, is precisely what they have failed to attain.
They dream of giving away what they do not possess.
No-one can successfully by-pass the need for self-esteem. A word of caution If one error is to deny the importance of self-esteem, another is to claim too much for it. In their enthusiasm, writers today seem to suggest that a healthy sense of self-value is all we need to assure happiness and success. The matter is more complex than that. A well developed sense of self is a necessary condition of our well-being, but not a sufficient condition.
It's presence does not guarantee fulfilment, but it's lack guarantees some level of anxiety, frustration, or despair.
Self-esteem is not a substitute for a roof over one's head, or food in one's stomach, but it increases the likelihood that one will find and meet such needs. Self-esteem is not a substitute for the knowledge and skills one needs to operate effectively in the world, but it increases the likelihood that one will acquire them. The Challenges of the Modern World The survival value of self-esteem is especially evident today.
We have reached a moment in history when self-esteem, which has always been a supremely important psychological need, has also become a supremely important economic need. It is the attribute imperative for adaptiveness in an increasingly complex, challenging and competitive world.
In the past few decades, the United States has shifted from a manufacturing society to an information society. We now live in a global economy characterised by rapid change, accelerating scientific and technological breakthroughs, and an unprecedented level of competitiveness. These developments create demands for higher levels of education and training than were required of previous generations. Everyone acquainted with business culture knows this. What is not understood is that these developments also create new demands on our psychological resources.
Specifically, these developments ask for a greater capacity for innovation, self-management, responsibility, and self-direction.
A modern business can no longer be run by a few people who think and many people who just do what they are told.
Today organisations need not only an unprecedentedly higher level of knowledge and skill among all those who participate, but also a higher level of independence, self-reliance, self-trust, and the capacity to exercise initiative. In a word: self-esteem. The challenge extends further than the world of business: we are freer than the generation before us to choose our own religion, philosophy, or moral code.
To adopt our own lifestyle. To select our own criteria for the good life. We no longer have unquestioning faith in tradition. We no longer believe that government leads to salvation, nor church, nor labour unions, nor big organisations of any kind. We have more choices and options than ever before in every area. Frontiers of limitless possibilities now face us in whatever direction we look.
To be adaptive in such an environment, we have a greater need for personal autonomy.
This is because there is no widely accepted code of values and rituals to spare us the challenge of individual decision making. We must learn to think for ourselves. If you want to save this summary for later, download the free PDF and read it whenever you want.
Nathaniel Branden says self-esteem is the immune system of consciousness, with the ability to resist, make it strong and regenerate it. In a way, self-esteem is like calcium. The same is true for self-esteem and your psychological well-being. This is because self-esteem works like a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The more you expect yourself to be capable of, the more these expectations influence your behavior in a way that makes your actions align with them. Therefore, your self-esteem is a way to turn your desires into reality. They are self-acceptance and self-responsibility, which may be a bit hard to differentiate at first, so let me try.